Fifty
by DaniPayson
Summary: I wanted to write something in present time celebrating the fiftieth birthday of Dana Scully. This idea came to me yesterday afternoon and I just went with it till the wee hours of the morning. I felt it best to have it stay in the same genre I have with other stories I'm working on where William has been returned to his birth parents and they have a daughter born in late 2008.
1. Chapter 1

Quiet

You don't appreciate quiet as much as you should until you can't remember the last time you had a moment to yourself. The five year old at tap, the twelve-year old at basketball practice and me with a glass of wine and a good book that hadn't been cracked open in months.

The old grandfather clock ticked away as I opened to page...

Ten

and took a large quaff of the merlot which was purchased for New Years and hadn't been opened until today

February 22, 2014

It was noon, but thanks to car pools I could have a drink before the children and their loudness would return in less than two hours...one hour fifty nine minutes...I better start savoring the words of Chaucer and the finest grapes in all of France.

For the last month and a week I had played single parent. After returning to the bureau five years prior - a decision I still questioned and or regretted to this day - my partner, office mate and husband had been on assignment in London. He got to travel, I got Tuesdays and Thursdays in the car pool. I didn't lament my choices; being blessed with a second child and having my first returned to me - regardless of the circumstances - were miracles I would forever be thankful for...I just wondered why he couldn't drive the Wilson twins to school every now and then.

And tomorrow, a Sunday just like any other, but there was one big difference...

I was turning fifty.

What surprises would a five year old and a twelve year old have in store for me? I couldn't imagine. I'm sure there would be a Skype date with my beloved who would promise me the world when he returned home and forget everything the second the plane hit the tarmac.

Don't get me wrong, the man tried. When I turned thirty-three he gave me a keychain, at forty-five he gave me an engagement ring; Mulder had evolved.

Maybe he would bring back a giant chocolate tower in the shape of Big Ben.

As the merlot helped ease the bitterness the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone and my neighbors in our Chantilly neighborhood appreciated quiet moments as much as I did, so I knew they weren't bothering me; but fearing the worst I finished the glass then went to open the door.

There was a limousine out in front of my house with a man in a black suit standing on my porch

"Mrs. Mulder?" he asked

Even after five years I would never be used to being called that and the ache in the pit of my stomach began to grow. "Yes..." I replied my voice trembling.

"I need you to come with me." he said in a very stern tone which made me wish I had brought the rest of the bottle to the door.

"Why?" I asked as I attempted to swallow the lump in my throat, "My children will be home soon."

"Arrangements have been made." he continued his face never cracking

My heart began to beat rapidly...here it was, the day before my birthday and my world was crumbling. Tears began to follow without my permission and the man's eyed widened.

"No ma'am, it's not what you think!" the slightly older overweight, but not much taller than me man called out as he tried to approach me.

I backed away, nothing he said was making sense, how could I tell my children...

My cell phone began to ring.

It was sitting next to the open bottle of wine and I felt as if I had to answer it due to the fact the ring was some horrible Elvis song I didn't know the words to.

"Hello?" I said my tears evident in my voice.

"Just get in the car Scully." Came the voice I needed to hear. Instead of feeling a sense of reassurance I just cried harder. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the relief of knowing my husband wasn't dead or maybe it was knowing AARP would start annoying me soon; either way the tears fell and I couldn't stop them.

"You know with the internet and home security I can see you right now." he continued as I bawled, the ability to form words just wasn't something I was capable of right now.

I heard him sigh, loudly, "I made arrangements with Gretchen and Anne to take the kids to your mothers'. Just get in the car." he said in a persistent manner.

"Why?" Finally escaped my quivering lips.

"Because I asked you to."

I nodded, even though I knew he wouldn't know that - but with cameras all over our home - except our bedroom and all bathrooms - he could obviously see it.

"Just don't forget your purse."

I nodded again

"And passport."

"Why?"

The phone went dead. Mulder was known for being eccentric, and he was obviously up to something and sometimes I just had to trust him - well always - so, after capping and putting the wine back in the fridge I grabbed my coat, jacket and keys and followed the driver out to the limousine which I'm sure had all my neighbors gossiping as I walked out to it with my hair in a messy bun complete with mom jeans and flannel oversized top. Hell at least they made a comeback.

For some reason I always kept my passport in my purse, so that was no issue, but due to mother paranoia I had to call my own mother who assured me that yes my children were being dropped off at her home today, but refused to tell me for how long. It was like everyone had a secret they were keeping from me; and I hated it.

The drive to Dulles took less than twenty minutes, the driver pulled up to departures and after opening my door, handed me a black bag.

"Everything you need is in here." he said tipping his hat to me.

Unsure what to do in these instances, I opened my purse to which he stopped me with his hand, "No need, your husband took care of everything."

"Can I ask you one thing?" I said needing to know, "When did he arrange all of this?"

"A month ago." the driver smiled.

"And he couldn't have let me in on any of it. I look like hell."

"You look beautiful ma'am. Have a nice trip."

Grabbing a seat inside the terminal I unzipped the black bag as quickly as possible and pulled out a folder. First class to Paris at 5:10PM on Lufthansa. The rest of the bag contained a second set of contacts, solution, a second set of prescription eye glasses - he covered the necessities, but other than that...

"What the hell!" I exclaimed once he picked up the phone.

"Are you at the airport?" he replied

"Yes, where I get to hang out for four hours before said flight I knew nothing about leaves."

"Do I need to read you Webster's definition of surprise?"

"I have no luggage."

"To strike or occur to with a sudden feeling of wonder or astonishment, as through unexpectedness."

"Mulder..."

"To come upon or discover suddenly and unexpectedly." Mulder continued to rattle on.

"Cut it out!"

"To make an unexpected assault on- no that doesn't fit."

"Mulder stop reading me definitions off the internet!"

"Just making sure you understand all elements of what a surprise is."

"Yes, I do, but why today?

"Because with the flight time and time difference and the sad fact that Dulles only seems to have direct flights TO Paris in the evening you will not be here until tomorrow morning."

"Why Paris?"

"Because it's supposedly the most romantic city in the world and I want to see if it lives up to it's name."

I had to admit, that in and of itself was pretty damn romantic, "Do the kids know?"

"No. I felt it best to keep them in the dark. I didn't even tell your mother until last week via email."

"Ok, well you didn't let me pack. What am I supposed to wear?"

"Nothing."

"Mulder..."

"I've taken care of that. All you have to do is get on and off that plane."

"In four hours."

"I feared if I waited too long you'd wonder where the hell Gretchen and Anne were. By the way, I told them via text yesterday."

"That explains why Gretchen was giggling like an idiot when she picked Missy up."

"I think she giggles all the time anyway. I think we should give her a sobriety test before she drives the kids."

"I'll be sure to remember that." I watched as late arrivers ran by me, "So, what are you doing?"

"Counting the minutes until you are here, and counting the dollars on this phone call."

"I get it." I sighed, "I'm sick of this London crap."

"I'll be back March 1st."

"But for how long?"

"We'll talk about that later. Just don't forget to get on that plane."

"I won't."

"I love you."

He said it every day and even though I was unsure why, every time it got to me, "I love you too." I replied sensing the tears were trying to make a comeback.

The line went dead and Call Ended were the words haunting me. Why did I even get an iPhone? Because it meant I could at least iMessage my overseas husband for free. That was the selling point. Even if I still missed my Blackberry.

December 22, 2012 the world was supposed to end. We waited...and it didn't happen. No explosions, no aliens...nothing. Our jobs were to monitor the WORLD in case the date had changed and we just didn't know about it. No movement here, there...but for some reason Mulder was constantly "dispatched" to England to meet with the people over there 'monitoring' Europe. Sometimes I wondered if it was all for want. Sure, we said we worked for the bureau and got all holidays including Columbus Day off, but we were actually working for a world wide agency...I felt like a spy without the fancy cover story.

To kill some time I went through the rest of my bag. I would be leaving Monday afternoon. Seriously TWO DAYS in Paris, and not even full days. My guess is he had too much to do before returning home. Unfortunately, he never told me exactly what he was doing, either he couldn't or didn't want to and I had to respect that. I spent my days looking at tissue samples and blood tests and he never asked what I found - which to this day was absolutely nothing.

After playing various mindless games on my phone, eventually check in time had arrived. After that came boarding which was almost instantaneous given I had first glass to which I took full advantage of. Glass of champagne, and another, hoping I could get a good nights sleep because I intended to take full advantage of my time in Paris and with a man who, even after over twenty years, I still wasn't sick of.

Fifty

The plane hit the tarmac and as my eyes popped open that was the first thing that jumped into my head. I'm now officially fifty.

Even at home it was after midnight and I was still fifty

I never asked my mother what time I was actually born, because I didn't think it mattered, so for all I knew on February 23, 1964 at precisely 12:00AM EST Dana Katherine Scully came into the world.

What the hell.

The flight attendants proceeded to alert everyone that it we had arrived in Paris, France that it was currently four degrees Celsius - thirty nine Fahrenheit - and precisely seven am.

Customs was a nightmare. If you have no luggage, are only staying one night and don't know which hotel you're staying at they will hold you in a small room until you spill your guts. Thankfully I had a nice Parisian woman interrogating me and once I told her it was a surprise from my husband for my fiftieth birthday - and she confirmed it on my passport AND Virginia driver's license - she informed me I did not look my age and to have a happy anniversaire. I quickly grabbed my purse, bag and fled as fast as I could to the pickup area outside baggage claim. More than anything I wanted a shower, but the second I saw the face of the man I hadn't laid eyes on since January 10th, I regained strength in my tired legs and ran to him.

Luckily the bags were over my shoulder tightly enough that I didn't drop them as my arms wrapped around his neck so tightly my coat fell to the curbside. I didn't care if I was freezing, tired or jetlagged, I was in Paris with the man I loved and that was all that mattered.

As cheesy and pathetic as it sounded, I was happy.

"That took longer than I expected." Mulder said as he opened the door to yet another limousine.

"I was detained in customs." I said getting into the back of the gas guzzling automobile.

"I was afraid that would happen." he replied getting in after me and closing the door, "But they let you go."

"Yes." I sighed, "Thankfully."

"Good. And because I knew you'd ask I called your mother on my way in, the kids arrived just fine and are being spoiled rotten as always."

"Lovely. Right now I just want to burn my clothes."

"We'll handle that later." he smirked, "Get some more rest...you're going to need it."

I couldn't sleep, and as it was the trip from the airport to our hotel was less than an hour. The driver stopped at the Shangri-La Hotel I was shocked and amazed to see the Eiffel Tower staring right at me along as I got out in front of the luxury hotel with a ridiculous name.

Luckily Mulder had already checked in before I arrived and at the end of the hallway on the seventh floor the door opened to a dead-on view of the that same gorgeous tower.

I couldn't move. My body froze at the sight of it. Without missing a beat Mulder wrapped his arms around my waist, pulled me against him and said, "Happy Birthday, Dana." before kissing me on the top of my grungy head.

Taking my left hand he stepped ahead of me, forcing me to walk a few inches before he could close the door behind me.

"Is it everything you expected?" he asked

All I could do was nod, "And then some."

I then took in my surroundings. Large bed, large flat screen TV, terrace with a dead on view of that metal tower of beauty. Even from the doorway I could tell the bathroom had to be as beautiful as the rest of the room

"Every little girls dream..." I continued as I walked in a daze towards the terrycloth robe which hung in the entry way to the bathroom where I was welcomed with a large deep tub and a bidet.

Mulder was sitting on the easy chair in the middle of the room waiting for me to exit the bathroom.

"Does it fit your standards?" he smirked.

"I'm going to take a bath."

"Ok..."

"I'm going to take a long bath."

"I figured as much..."

"Where I won't be interrupted by 'who took the remote' or 'the last cookie' or 'who looked at whom funny'. I am going to relax!"

"Good." he smiled, "I'll be waiting."

"But I do have one question?"

"What's that?"

"Do I have ANY clothes?"

He merely nodded, "Check the closet, and the dresser."

Like a child in a candy store I rushed to the closet where I was greeted with dresses, and blouses, and skirts and slacks.

Channel, Christian Dior and names I didn't recognize, but the clothes were to die for. Shoes to match, mostly black pumps, but there was a knee high three inch heeled set of black boots thrown in there as well.

The dresser contained La Perla lingerie along with other designer under things I could just picture a man in his early fifties picking out on in the little boutiques of Paris.

"How?" I asked picking up a lacy black teddy that left little to the imagination.

"Pay people enough and they will fill closets and dresser drawers before your arrival. Before you ask, yes I picked out everything myself so if you hate any of it well...tough."

"It's all beautiful, but you know I can't wear this at home.."

"There's a two piece Victoria's Secret flannel set in the bottom drawer."

At this point in time all the thank yous in the world wouldn't be enough. I could feel the tears wanting to break free again and it was all I could do to shut the door and run into the bathroom, where a set of lavender bubble bath, salts and shampoo and conditioner awaited me. The man really thought of everything.

I wasn't even sure how long I had been in the bath before I finally felt the want to get out, and by then the water had become too cold to comfortably relax in. Shockingly enough I never heard the TV come on while I was in there and when I exited wearing the terry cloth robe and a towel over my wet tresses I fully expected to find my husband asleep on the king-size bed. Instead he was on the terrace with two glasses of what I could only assume were mimosas, some croissants and a large bowl of strawberries.

"You know you can stop." I said walking out to the chilly terrace, "You've already won husband of the year."

"I'm going for decade." he said picking up a mimosa glass and handing it to me, "And then century."

Shaking my head I took the glass from him, "You do realize it's freezing out here..."

"But it's romantic."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I'd rather feel my toes."

Mulder nodded and picked up the tray of food, "E for effort?"

"Most definitely."

I didn't remember passing out, but clearly the jetlag, bread, fruit and champagne had gotten to me. When I awoke on the white bedspread my hair was dry and my husband was in different clothes, fully shaved and playing on his tablet at the desk at the end of the room.

"What time is it?" I asked running my fingers through my long matted hair.

Mulder looked at his watch, "Half past noon."

"Why did you let me sleep so long?"

"It was only a couple of hours and clearly you needed it." he turned off the tablet and placed it on the table, "Are you still tired?"

I felt hazy, but not tired, "No." I replied, "I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"It's your birthday. You can do whatever you want."

Honestly, all I wanted to do was relax. Even though I was in the most beautiful, romantic city in the world all I really wanted was to lie in bed all day with a good book, but I was in freaking Paris; there was more to life than English literature.

"I assume you have an agenda..." I eyed him as he sat on the wooden chair playing innocent.

Mulder shrugged, "There's a spa, where you can get a massage or any sort of beauty treatment you want. There's a gym, if working out is what you have in mind..."

"I was thinking of something outside the hotel?"

"There's an entire city full of things to do. I tried looking into them, but they either seemed over the top, not good enough, or are currently destroying a bridge with padlock sentiment."

I nodded, and looked back out at the giant symbol of Paris, "We could always just explore the city?"

"Would doing it from a horse drawn carriage be too over the top?"

"Maybe when I was forty-nine." I grinned.

Mulder nodded, "You get dressed, I'll make the arrangements."

Generally such tours are scheduled at least three days in advance, but Mulder was able to get them to make an exception - and luckily they had a cancellation - and by two thirty pm we were in the back of a horse drawn carriage with a bottle of more champagne for a ninety minute tour of some of the best parts of Paris. Ok, the touristy parts, and I was only here for less than two days and quite honestly wanted to spend a majority of that time in bed with my husband screaming in passion in ways I haven't been able to in over five years.

After a brisk, but pleasant and romantic trip by the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe and Champs Elysées, we arrived back at the hotel by four. No photos taken; mental photographs were all I needed.

I only had less than two hours before our six pm reservations at Le Jules Verne, an superb hotel on the second level of the Eiffel Tower itself. Mulder wanted us dining while the sun was setting and at this point in the trip I started to wonder if he wrote romance novels on the side. Wearing a sleeveless black satin dress, which went down to my ankles, but had a nice slit up the left side, and matching four inch black pumps I let Mulder put the matching black sweater over my shoulders before he, in black suit and black tie, led me out of the hotel room to the elevator.

Wearing two hundred dollar lingerie made me feel much sexier than it should have. My hair in ringlets, one unruly strawberry blonde bastard continued to pop into my line of sight. I tried blowing it away, tucking it behind my ear, but it wasn't until Mulder tucked it behind my ear while seeming to intertwine it with other strands that I felt a shiver go from my ear, directly down my spine...a shiver I hadn't felt in oh so many years...even as the elevator door opened I found myself unable to walk.

"Are you ok?" he asked after stepping into the elevator, turning and seeing that I hadn't moved an inch.

"Is it wrong...for me to want to say to hell with these reservations and just spend the rest of the night in bed screaming out your name in ways I haven't screamed it in years?"

I could sense his pulse heighten from my words alone, but after a moment he shook his head and said, "No, but we should at least have a decent meal first."

Fine dining for me lately had been a slew of chain restaurants where my children had a wide selection of dishes to choose from and would still poke at their food. At this fine establishment one had five dishes to choose from. Five. As I perused the menu I began to miss the wide selection at TGI Fridays

"I know..." Mulder was saying without even having to look up from the menu, "I should have checked the menu first."

I couldn't help but smile at the fact he knew what I was thinking without even having to ask. "Foie gras is just abhorrent." Given it was the first thing on the menu, that was instantly where my mind went.

"Then don't get it." he replied flatly, "Fish. They have fish."

I nodded in agreement and closed the menu, "I don't even want to think about how much this is costing us."

"Don't worry about it." he said closing his own menu as we waited for the server to acknowledge us. "It's not every day I have the chance to spoil you."

"I appreciate it." I replied, and I did, even if - at the moment - I had a hard time showing it.

Mulder ordered for us in French, which was much better than mine, and even though I'd heard him speak it many times for many years it still impressed me. Along with our seared turbot and shellfish with seaweed butter, he ordered a 1988 Gerard Bertrand Rivesaltes which the waiter presented to him before opening and filling our glasses.

"A toast." Mulder said holding up his glass and nodding for me to do the same, which I did, "To the woman who has stood by me, supported me and gave me everything I could ever want - even if I had to wait a really long time to get it. For the last twenty two years you have never given up on me, even if you should have, never turned away or looked back. Thank you, Dana, for being my everything."

All I could do was nod and clink my glass with his. We sat there in silence for a bit with our twenty-six year old glasses of wine and a wondrous view of a setting sun. You can actually be with a person so long you don't feel the need to talk much anymore, as if the other person knows what you're thinking or is so comfortable with you that no words need be spoken. This had been our relationship for the last couple of years, other than talking about the kids our lives had become pretty sedentary. Not the constant jumping on planes to various destinations multiple times a month, seeing things that could never and or would never be explained and the constant possibility of being kidnapped, maimed or killed. We were now desk jockeys, and didn't even carry guns. We had them, but they remained locked away at the office and at home. The first few years after we had William back in our lives were difficult, and he didn't really care for us. He ran away a few times, and given I had an infant child to care for made the situation even harder. His adopted parents were killed in a car accident when he was five and after being in foster care for more than a year we were reunited with him the Christmas of 2008 - a month after my second child was born. He resented her, he resented us - me - for giving him up and we attended many therapy sessions in the last five years. He was better, but he was still angry and I feared he always would be and during those tough times no firearms were allowed in my home. As it was I still kept them locked in a firebox in another safe. If someone were to break in, we'd have a hell of a time getting to our weapons. But that was the price I was willing to pay to protect my son.

"You've been quiet too long." Mulder said breaking my mental trip down memory lane.

I nodded and looked at him, "Just thinking of...our life."

"It's had it's moments." he said, "Regrets?"

"Not one." I smiled and took another sip of wine, I was never a wine connoisseur and couldn't tell the difference between a 1940 Pinot Noir or a box of Franzi, but this stuff was rich and was going right to my head. "When did you get in?" I asked wanting to keep the conversation going.

"Last night. I wanted to make sure your plane took off before I hopped the train. Just takes a little over five hours to get here where I got some much needed sleep and I can now admit I did all the shopping last weekend and placed it all nicely and neatly in the drawers and closet. I didn't want to admit that for fear you'd expect the same treatment at home."

"I think I know you well enough. If a t-shirt left on the bathroom floor set me off that much I would have left you long ago."

"Good to know I have other attributes worth sticking around for."

"Very much so." I snickered taking another sip as I tried to wait patiently for my dinner,"You know, I don't feel fifty."

"I don't feel fifty two." He picked up his glass and took a sip as well, "I feel eighty."

We never much talked about it. We didn't want to. Our children were miracles. They were our miracles, but they were different because we were different. I had a metallic chip in the back of my neck that could never be removed for fear of death reminding me every day how different I was from every other person on the street and not one test had shown me I was not alone in this world. Mulder had been experimented on like a lab rat by people thinking they could make themselves immune to the end of the world, then saved by those believed to eventually destroy everything we knew. Nothing happened. Nothing was planned to happen, but it didn't stop me from feeling like some mutant every time I scratched an itch on the back of my neck.

"William's class is supposed to go on an overnight field trip to Gettysburg next month." I said.

Mulder nodded, "Are we sure that's ok?"

I shrugged, "He hasn't hit anyone since enrolling him in the academy."

Mulder nodded again, "I guess it's ok."

We tried public school, but that didn't work. Too many kids, and given his history William needed more hands on teaching. He was smart and became easily bored and disruptive. In the fifth grade, Jason Jenson took his pencil and William gave the kid a black eye. He was expelled. Apparently the school had a no tolerance policy to which Mulder stated "I would have never gotten through grammar school."

After that our only choices were private school or boarding school which I was not going to allow. Browne Academy was sadly an hour away, but coincidentally not far from Mulder's old apartment - and even though they knew his history, his grades and aptitude tests got him in. With therapy and weekend family trips to the beach, Kings Dominion and other places around the state - as well as a drive up to New York for a Yankees game he had gotten better. He had become more trusting. He realized we weren't going to leave him on the side of the road. I used the universal 'we' even though it was 'I' who was to blame.

Since Mulder had been away so much I expected the behavior problems to start again, but being in basketball, baseball and hockey kept him busy - and hockey was a very good way for the boy to get his aggressions out. He was usually beat by the time he arrived home and if anything I was thankful that after dinner all he wanted to do was his homework and go to bed. I knew Mulder's traveling was for the greater good, but I missed him...his children missed him...and I had trouble sleeping alone.

Before my mind could depress me any longer our food thankfully arrived and the white fish with seaweed actually looked more appealing than I had initially thought it would.

The meal was delightful, and rich and ended with a very indulgent dark chocolate croissant which tasted exquisite with the rest of the bottle of wine.

I was fed, I was inebriated and I was happy. I was living in the moment as we walked back to the hotel hand in hand I felt like a young couple in love, not a married mother of two who had just turned the age my mother was when she first became a grandmother.

"I want to do the lock thing." I said to my husband

"What? Why. It's tacky and it's destroying a bridge."

"But it's romantic and I want to come back twenty years from now when we're old and senile and see if its still there."

"The bridge might not even be there another five years let alone twenty years."

"Come on Mulder..."

He nodded and sighed, "Fine. The one time you want to do something just because everyone else does."

We purchased a gold lock, with two gold keys and a black Sharpie. We could have gone the traditional route, but instead we simply wrote Mulder &amp; Scully. Because that's who we would forever be to one another.

Even if he called me Dana a lot more than I was used to lately.

And cringed every time my mother called him Fox.

I was still not allowed to call him by his first name, even if it did slip out during certain circumstances.

We grabbed a cab and under a half moon we walked hand in hand to the Pont des Arts bridge, found a spot for our lock and put it in place before each tossing a key in to the Seine.

Without missing a beat I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. Hard...harder and fuller than I initially intended and as the kiss intensified and his hands found his way to my waist I realized exactly how much I had missed him over the last four weeks. I forced myself to stop and he didn't question, just grabbed my hand and we ran back to the awaiting cab as fast as my four inch heels would let me.

In a dark apartment in the first year of the new century I found myself alone and frightened. Frightened over feelings that had been developing for someone who had been my best friend, my partner, the one key person in my life for the last eight years. If I had a cold, he was the first one there with soup. If he was alone on Christmas I made sure he had a place to go. He was the first person I thought of when I woke up in the morning and he last person I thought of before I fell asleep at night and now here I was with a need and desire that terrified me to the core. At that very moment I had two choices. I could go to him, confess my desires and give him my heart, or I could run and keep running for another eight years. Instead I went with my heart and as I lay here now, over a decade later as his fingertips brushed against my skin, and his gentle kisses sent shivers down my spine I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had made the right choice.

Morning came much too quickly. The morning sun blinded me as the clock reminded me that the hours I had left here were quickly dwindling. It was only a little after eight in the morning and my flight was leaving at two. I would be back home with my children before the six o'clock news and as much as I missed them, having to wait until Saturday to see my husband again was just too much to bear.

The expensive dress lay on the floor by the door, next to the shoes and the lingerie that cost more than my father's first car. I took the robe off the hook and put it on, brushing my rats nest of a head of hair out of my face before opening the doors to the terrace. The cold air hit like I walked into a freezer, but the tears falling down my face worked as a liquid barrier from the frigid temps. It wasn't that I didn't want to leave this beautiful city; I just didn't want to be apart anymore. I couldn't ask him to quit, the bureau was all he had known for longer than I had known him. He was brilliant and could teach, but it wouldn't give him the same satisfaction. Sure he didn't have the same fulfillment of a record of closed cases, but he went to work every day knowing he was making a difference. At least that's what he told me and truth be told that even though I appreciated the time I spent in pediatric neurology, it was a good change for my own well being to no longer have a child die because I couldn't save it. Regardless of all the ones I had saved, it was those I couldn't that ate away at me. Like a constant reminder of how I couldn't protect my own son.

"Isn't it freezing out there?" I heard Mulder call out from inside the room.

I quickly wiped away my tears and took a moment before returning into the much warmer hotel room and closing the doors behind me.

"You know it was actually in the sixties at home yesterday." Mulder said looking at his phone as I returned to the bed and sat cross-legged at the end of it, watching as he played around on his device.

He was laughing at something I was unaware of when he looked up at me and his expression instantly saddened, "What's wrong?"

Apparently you can wipe the tears away, but the evidence of their existence remains, "I have to leave in six hours."

He nodded as he turned off the phone and placed it on the nightstand, "I know. I told you it had to be a short trip. Right after I drop you off at the airport at eleven I have to get on a train back to London."

"I know." I took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling to prevent the tears from making a return engagement, "I'm just not sure I can do this anymore."

"Do what?" his voice seemed off, like he was preparing for a fight.

"It's just too hard managing the kids alone. I know you have to be in London, but you have responsibilities at home and people who love you and miss you and basketball games and tap and piano recitals and you're missing all of it."

"I know...I know all of this." He took a deep breath as well, "I'm working on it. I promise, but for now this is where I have to be."

I knew he wouldn't give me the answer I wanted, but I knew the answer I wanted could destroy our relationship. We had been through worse, a lot worse, and at least I knew we could survive this. Somehow.

"You just...don't have a secret family stashed in London do you?"

"Like any other woman would put up with me."

"You have that right." I could finally smile again, "Well, we have a couple hours before I have to pack and we have to go back to our separate lives, we might as well make the most of them."

"You read my mind."

Lunch was a quick bite at the airport, Mulder stayed with me until I had to go through security. All of the purchased clothes, minus the ones I was wearing, were packed up in a new suitcase along with the ones I arrived in - which I still wanted to burn. A lot of the women on our block would be happy as hell to have their husbands gone for four weeks at a time, but they didn't share the special relationship we did. They weren't genetically manipulated mutants as I said in the Valentine's Day card I gave him a year earlier.

The clock was ticking and soon we would have to part. I finished my salad as slowly as I could before I felt the pressure and just pushed it away. I didn't want to cry again; I didn't want my children to see me broken.

"It's time." Mulder said standing up and picking up the rest of my salad and taking it to the refuse bin. He sighed and took my new Longchamp bag and then my hand and walked me to the TSA area. He handed me my bag then ran his hands through his hair like he was nervous, but shook it off and kissed me goodbye

As I walked to security I heard him call my name and I turned.

"What? I asked walking back to him.

"Did you really like it here?"

"Of course I did."

"The city, the people, the food..."

"Yes, kind of, a little..."

"They have really good schools here..."

"Mulder, what are you getting at?"

"They want me to move here."

"Here?"

Mulder nodded, "Here. France."

"WHY!"

"Because I speak the language, I understand the customs...I just wanted to make sure you liked it too."

Too much was hitting me at once, "You expect us to leave everything we know, EVERYONE we know and just-" I looked down at the floor, shook my head and before I could stop myself I said it.

"Yes."

To be continued...


	2. France

I said yes to what exactly? To uprooting my family and moving my children to a country where they knew no one? Where they had no friends, no family - other than their parents - and didn't even know the official language? Yes. This is exactly what I said yes to and as I sat in seat 3A questioning my answer all I could do was stare out at the night sky and wonder how I was going to break it to my children, or worse, to my husband. He was so happy when I said yes, like the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders. I didn't even ask him the consequences of saying no if there were any; I just wanted my family together. Apparently that was only possible if we moved thousands of miles away from the life we once knew.

I needed another drink.

The same driver, who picked me up from my home not two days ago, was waiting for me at baggage claim when I arrived back at Dulles. After waiting the customary thirty minutes for my bag to arrive, he carried it out to the awaiting limousine and drove me home. My mother's car was in the driveway when I returned and upon opening the front door I heard a loud-

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"That was yesterday." I said rolling the bag into the house and closing and locking the door behind me.

"The kids wanted to do something for you." My mother said in a stern tone, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Something clearly is, but you can't show it around them."

I really didn't need to be preached to so I simply nodded and walked into the dining room where a large homemade chocolate cake and Happy Birthday Mommy spelled out in white frosting sat in the middle of the dining room table.

"Fox said he'd take the kids out shopping on Sunday when he returns home." Mother continued.

All I could do was nod and sarcastically say "Home…"

"Blow out the candles, mommy!" Missy urged me as she held tightly to the back of one of the dining chairs and jumped up and down.

Nodding, I did as my child asked and made a wish, all the candles went out, but I knew my wish wouldn't come true.

"What did you wish for mommy?"

I just shook my head, "It doesn't matter."

I really wasn't in the mood for chocolate or anything really, "Mom, it's after midnight where I was and I'm really exhausted. Would you mind watching the kids and putting them to bed, I just really want to lie down."

My mother nodded, "What about the cake?"

My daughter's face changed dramatically. Her smile turned to a frown and her bright blue eyes began to fill up, "Gramma made it…"

"I know she did…I'll take a piece to bed. You guys can have some after dinner."

"We already ate." William said as he stood against the wall with his arms crossed, "Without you."

I was not in the mood to fight with him and just nodded as my mother cut a very large piece with the HA, the BIR and the MO on it.

I carried my cake and fork to bed and left it on the nightstand as I fell onto the grey comforter face first and let myself sob.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" The voice of my mother bellowed out at me.

Even though I hadn't been able to sleep and was unsure exactly how long I had been lying here I opened my eyes anyway and sat up, "What?"

"Your children were happy to see you."

"One was."

"Either way, you hardly looked at them. Why?"

I shook my head and turned on the lamp on the nightstand to look at my mother, "I have a lot on my mind."

"Did something happen on your trip?"

I nodded, "Yes."

My mother's face turned quickly from anger to disappointment, "Don't tell me."

"It's not what you think." I sighed and looked up at the ceiling given her brown eyes were piercing my soul, "He wants us to move to France." 

"The country?" 

"Yes the country!" 

"Well you just can't do that." 

"Well I told him we would." 

I still was looking up, but I heard her approaching me. I expected a 'how could you you're taking my grandchildren away from me, you're breaking my heart again' and instead I received, "I understand." 

"Excuse me?" I asked, my eyes now watching her as she sat down on the bed next to me, "You understand?" 

"Of course I do. You forget we had to move all the time when you were growing up. We had to for your father's work. I didn't like it. I didn't like separating you from your friends, but it's what we had to do to keep our family whole. Sure, we fought about it; constantly, but in the end you grew up just fine and with technology these days I can still see the kids every day since Fox got me that phone with the face chatting." 

For the first time since I said yes I actually felt like smiling, "Face time." 

"Either way, I know what you're going through." 

"It will be easy with Missy, but William…

"I know…but Bill was pretty thickheaded himself. Don't you remember when we had to move to San Diego and he ran away for two days." 

"Oh yes. Those were a couple of fun days." 

"Not for me. I was worried sick, but eventually he came home and we made it work. That's the toughest part about being a family – making it work." 

"But you never had to move overseas, where you don't know the language." 

"From what I've read, most countries understand English more than we understand other languages. You picked up German quite easily in college, I'm sure you will pick up French in no time, especially with such a patient teacher." 

"He's not that patient." 

"Either way, you will be fine. Just get some sleep. I'll stay till the kids are in bed." 

"Thanks mom." 

"Need to spend as much time with them as I can." 

"Mom…" 

"When exactly do you have to be there?" 

"Sometime in June, after William is out of school. We wanted to at least give him that." 

My mother nodded, "We will have to do something fun together before then. All of us." 

"Sounds like a plan." 

After a long bath, complete with bubbles, salts and essential oils to keep my mind from spinning out of control I got into my pajamas and crawled into bed hoping to spend some time with another good book. Something trashy that I would be ashamed to read in front of another human being…something that, in the past, would have Fabio on the cover. 

"Mommy…" a sweet little voice said outside my closed door. 

"Come in." I said to the little voice. 

The door opened slowly and a little tiny head covered in frizzy auburn curls I dare never cut, popped through the opening, "Are you sleeping?" 

"No." I smiled and waved the little one in 

Wearing her long sleeved pink flannel nightgown she slowly walked over to the bed, "Are you mad at me?" 

"No sweetie, why would you ever think that?" 

"You didn't eat dinner with us." 

"That's because I was on an airplane honey, I ate dinner there." 

"What did you eat?" 

"Fish." 

She then made the face like she smelled something funny and shook her head, "Fish are icky." 

"I know they are honey, but why would you think I was mad at you?" 

She shrugged her little shoulders, "I don't know. William said you were mad and if you're mad at us then we have to go away." 

I internally growled. Why did an adolescent have to be such a pain in the ass? Sometimes I wished we just kept him in foster care. Even if I hated myself for thinking that I couldn't help but wonder if he'd be better off thinking his birth parents were dead. 

"Don't listen to your brother. He's just angry and tells untruths sometimes." 

"He lies." 

"Well, yeah" 

"That's what I thought." She said sounding much more grown up than I wanted her to be. "I feel better now." 

"Good. Now why don't you go back to bed and I'll see you in the morning." 

"OK mommy." She walked to the door and after grabbing hold of the handle turned and said "I love you, mommy." 

"I love you too sweetie." 

She smiled and exited the room closing the door behind her. I couldn't help but wonder if I hadn't been so afraid and just kept my son, if he would be the sweet angel his sister is. I guess I would never know. 

The morning alarm came too quickly. It was Tuesday which meant I had carpool, which also meant a five am wakeup call which I was not ready for. I was able to drag myself out of bed and to the shower and with my hair in a towel and wearing a very thick rose colored robe I made my way down the circular stairway to the kitchen to brew up a quart of coffee, and breakfast for myself and my children. I was so used to said ritual I could do it in my sleep, but now a terrified thought hit me – what if they don't like French food. 

I made a mental note to stop and get croissants on the way home. 

Lucas Rosenblanz had a cold – did his mother bother calling or texting me that information before I drove to Reston to pick him up? Of course not. The Wilson twins were fighting over a video game while William read a book. I couldn't see what the book was, but I was glad he was quiet. The drive from the Academy to the office was quiet and it was there I thought about this retched commute and how sadly the only way out of carpool duty was moving thousands of miles away. 

I hated my office. Sure I now took the elevator up instead of down and we actually had big windows with a view – of the parking lot – but I still hated it, especially when I was alone. I was being watched and even though I was well aware of that fact before, for some reason today it just bothered me more so.

"Parlez-vous Francais?" Steve Jacobs said as he stood at my door.

I hadn't even gotten the chance to hang up my coat before I was being harassed in French

"How do you know?" I replied tossing my coat on Mulder's chair – he wasn't going to need it.

"The whole department knows." He replied entering my office and closing the door, "There was a bet going on if he'd be able to convince you. I lost."

"Good." I didn't like him anyway; he was always staring at me like he was studying me; like I was some lab rat in an experiment. In short; he was creepy.

"So, you're actually excited about moving to the land of the freedom fry."

"You do realize that joke is over a decade old right?"

"But it still reigns true, even if they pretend to be our allies. Anyway, I really didn't think you'd cave."

"I didn't cave." I said defensively, "And if you don't mind I actually have real work to do unlike some people."

"Fine fine...carry on." He said throwing his arms up in defeat.

Sadly, I had no idea what Steve did. He had mousy brown hair, an actual button like nose and creepy green eyes - I was starting to wonder if his job was staring at me.

Work consisted of a back log of blood tests and MRI results. Lunch was hunched over my desk with a small green salad sans dressing and a caffeine free ice tea - if I wanted to sleep, no caffeine after noon - then off at three to pick up the kids, drop them off at their respected habitats and finally onto my own where I watched my children poke at the macaroni and cheese their mother threw in the oven for forty-five minutes at 425.

"When's daddy coming home?" Melissa asked as she pushed the 'tiny tree aka broccoli' around her plate.

"Saturday." I replied instead of 'not soon enough'

"How long is he actually staying this time?" William added to the conversation

"You know I don't know that." I replied wishing I could say 'forever until we all pack up and move to that place the MacCalisters were going when they left their son home alone...not that I wanted to give myself any ideas

"Are you getting a divorce?" Melissa asked pulling the little buds off the broccoli over her macaroni and cheese

"No. Why would you ask me that?"

"Becky's dad leaves a lot and she said her mommy is getting a divorce."

That's because Becky's dad knocked up a waitress at Friendlys ' "Your daddy and I love each other very much. We're not getting a divorce."

"So much they've only been married five years." William added with a snarky tone to boot

"Six years next week." I corrected him.

"Whatever. At least they were married before you were born. I guess that's why you got to stay around."

"That's it." I said unable to function anymore with the sound of my pulse banging in my eardrums, "Go to your room"

"Gladly." he said pushing his hardly touched plate in front of him and storming up the stairs until the sound of a door slamming shook the house.

Unfazed by said tantrum, Melissa picked up her fork and stabbed at her food.

"Missy, you made a mess."

"No, it's pretty now." She said taking a big bite and smiling up at me.

I couldn't help but wonder if broccoli cheese soup was invented by a five year old.

Wednesday came far too early - but since I didn't have to drive carpool I was able to sleep until six before taking the one child to her kindergarten where I got to stay with her and color and paint and learn...everything. I was actually looking forward to a day not spent looking at blood samples.

We were highly invested in drawing a photo of our family when the door to the classroom opened and the little girl next to me let out a high pitched "DADDY!" then dropped her crayon and ran away from me.

I looked up to see just that. Daddy, scooping the little girl into his arms as she held onto him tightly around the neck, not caring who was watching.

Mulder approached me with the little one clung to his neck, smiling the entire time.

"You weren't supposed to be back until Saturday?" I said as he sat cross-legged next to me on the floor, turning the little monkey around and placing her on his lap

"There's a bad winter storm coming so I worked as hard as I could to get here. Besides, I couldn't miss parents' day! And it's already windy out there."

"Well, I'm glad you're here." I said in a high whisper, "Now, draw yourself." I handed him a blue crayon.

"Blue, really?"

"Missy already took the green for herself. I'm the red goddess here." I said pointing to my crayoned image

Mulder nodded, "Who's the purple guy with horns."

"William." Missy said.

"Pretty accurate.." I laughed but realized he wasn't laughing with me, "I was kidding."

Mulder solemnly nodded, "I know you weren't."

Dinner was Chinese food, complete with whining and complaining from the pre-teen and by ten PM I was sound asleep next to the man I loved

Until one AM when he woke me up.

I turned on the light to see a fully dressed Mulder running his fingers through obviously still wet hair wearing his navy blue terry cloth robe

"Where are you going?" I asked groggily as I tried to focus my eyes, "It's one in the mourning!"

"It's five in London." He replied walking to the closet and pulling out a white shirt, burgundy pattered tie and black blazer

"But not here. Just come back to bed, the alarm will be going off at five anyway since it's carpool day."

"I'll meet you there." he said going to the dresser and pulling out a pair of boxers and black dress socks.

"You're serious."

"I have a lot of work to do."

"Fine." I said whipping the covers off of my body, "I'll go with you."

"No." he replied before he could even untie his robe, "I just have to do something. Besides, the kids are asleep."

For a brief moment I did forget about the underage beings behind two closed doors, "Then we'll all go in. I'll leave for the carpool from the office."

"Don't be insane, get your sleep."

"What the hell are you up to?"

"Nothing."

He purposely wasn't looking me in the eye, so I knew something was off, "We're going together." I said through clenched teeth, "If we're moving to France together we're going to the office together."

Finally looking me in the eye he sighed and shrugged, "Fine."

I'm not sure what compelled me to awaken my children at one thirty in the morning, listen to the whining and the tears and get them dressed and in the car. Missy was out again in her booster seat before we even got out of the neighborhood, while William sulked.

There were no guards at this time in the morning, and after parking my Land Rover near the exit door of the parking garage I awakened my daughter and carried her to the elevator as William yawned and sulked.

We went to the office where I placed Melissa on the couch with a blanket and let her drift back off to dreamland, the preteen played on his phone as he spun in circles in his father's office chair.

"Now, what do you need to do?" I asked questioning both our sanities.

Mulder opened one of his office drawers and pulled out a zipped leather billfold then motioned for me to follow him out of the office where I then locked the door behind us just in case a twelve year old felt like touring the building.

I followed my husband down the hall to Steve "creepy eyes" Jacobs' office. He opened the billfold to reveal lock pickers.

"Why do you still have those?" I asked

"For instances like this." he replied working on Steve's door until it clicked and he was able to turn the knob. He then smirked and let out a small chuckle, "Didn't think I could still do it."

"The question is why and he of all people."

"You'll see." he said turning the knob all the way and pushing the door open.

"What about the cameras?" I asked knowing the entire floor was bugged

"They don't snap back on till five. Some kind of energy saving option."

"Good to know they're environmental." I said following him into the office

"But just in case, don't turn on the lights." he said looking around the dark office, "He doesn't lock his files."

"You still haven't explained why we're here."

"I was talking to someone in London about moving to France, and he made a snaky comment about Steve transferring as well. When I asked 'why would he transfer?' Dick - yes his name is Dick - got this stunned look on his face. Like he said too much. Finally, after convincing him to tell me what the hell he was talking about he brought up the fact that Steve's entire job, his point of being here, is for one reason." he said opening a file cabinet, digging around and finding what he was looking for, handing the file to me. With the lights from the hallway and the computers I could read a name. The name. My name.

"You." he said closing the file cabinet.

It was a pretty thick file, "I don't want it." I said handing it back to him.

"Everything that was done to you is in here. This file is so old it dates back to the day we met!"

I shook my head and backed away from the file like it was toxic, "I don't want to know."

Even in the darkness I could see the confusion on his face, "But for years...you did..."

"And now I don't." I continued emphatically, "You can do whatever you want; I'll be taking my children home."

Melissa whined, William continued to sulk and play on the phone I wish we never bought him. We left together and Mulder didn't even try to follow me. The file was at least two inches thick from what I could feel. One would think in this day and age they would go for electronic records, but for some reason my entire history was in a file cabinet not fifty feet from where I sat every day.

The kids were back in bed by three, and given the day I was already having I decided to just take a personal day. Even let the kids stay home from school, which meant sending a three am email to the other parents letting them know I would not being doing carpool today. Sure, I was leaving my husband alone at the office without a mode of transportation home - but that's what he got for trying to make me face something I'd rather never see.

I'm not exactly sure if I fell back asleep or not, but when I awakened my five year old was sitting on the bed playing with the iPad she was not allowed to touch.

"Missy - that's mommy's." I said rubbing my eyes and sitting up, "You know you're not supposed to play with it."

"I was bored." she said pressing a button that made a cow moo, "You said I could play with it if you were near me."

She had a point, "Fine." I sighed, "where's your brother?"

"In his room on his computer."

"Lovely."

"Daddy called." she said, "I know I'm not supposed to answer the phone, but I knew it was him."

"Don't start that." I said, this wasn't the first time the child claimed psychic ability and it also wasn't the first time she was right "What did he want?"

"He wanted to know if you were ok."

"What did you tell him?"

"That you were crying."

"I wasn't crying."

"Yes you were. I heard you." She turned off the iPad and closed it, "I'm hungry."

I nodded and sighed, "Me too."

When playing hooky with your two children, what other way is there to celebrate than ordering a pizza at eleven a.m.? William actually seemed in better spirits as he shoved cheesy goodness down his throat then asked if he could go down to the basement and play PS4. I really didn't care about much at the moment and let him go ahead, Missy wanted to watch TV so I let her waddle off into the living room to do just that. By noon I was bored out of my mind, but that office was the last place I wanted to be.

My neck itched - and the sadness sunk in again. Why did he have to go there? What was he trying to prove? If anything at least I knew why Steve freaked me out. It was his job to study me.

I read, I surfed, I tossed birds at pigs and by six thirty when I heard a key in the front door I found myself terrified. There was no way he just put the file back, he had to know and knowing that he knew scared me more than not knowing at all.

"Daddy!" Melissa screamed running from Ariel - for the third time today - to her father's open arms as I sat on the couch with an angry red bird under my index finger, unable to let it go.

"No school I take it?" Mulder said carrying her into the living room.

"Nope." I said before sliding my finger and tossing that damn bird right at a green pig.

"Where's William?"

"Shooting zombies downstairs." I said picking up the remote and telling the mute mermaid where she could go. "How'd you get home?"

"Carol drove me."

"Carol..." I felt my temperature rising. Cute little twenty something assistant with a rack you could hold a car up with, "Fine." seemed to be my answer to everything lately.

"Missy, bath time." I said as she played with the remote, obviously wanting that damn fish back on the TV.

"I don't wanna!" she whined back, "More Ariel!"

"You've watched her three times, you've had enough!" My voice rose higher than I expected it to and watching Melissa drop the remote as her face scrunched up and the tears started destroyed me to the core.

Being the super dad he was, Mulder picked her up into his arms where she hid her face in his neck, "I'll take care of it." he said, "Mommy obviously needs some time alone."

Mommy obviously needed a stiff drink.

Not that I wanted alcohol to be the answer to everything, I did need to calm down and at the moment a quick fix sounded like the best solution. I filled a wine glass to the rim and sipped a bit before carrying the glass up to the bedroom, passing by the bathroom in the hall where I heard Part of Your World being belted out by a five year old - word for word with perfect pitch

I groaned and entered my bedroom, walking to the bay window and sitting down amongst the black and grey pillows. This was my spot, where I could look out at the street lamps and try to make myself relax; hoping the sweet nectar of the grape gods would help.

"You don't have to take your anger out on her." Mulder said entering the bedroom and closing the door behind him, "She doesn't deserve it."

"I know she doesn't." I replied pitifully before finishing off the glass, "I just...why did you have to go there? If I don't need to know, why do you?"

"Because I love you, and because everything that happened to you was because of me." He said pulling off his tie and tossing it on top of the dresser before joining me on the window seat, "I had to know what they did to you. What they did to us."

"Us?" I asked, feeling the grapey goodness began to make my head tingle

He pulled a flash drive out of his pocket and handed it to me, "Dick's job was to track me. That's why he always went to London at the same time as I did. And here I thought they kept him for his winning personality. Apparently, he's been watching me since day one."

"Day one?"

"The day I joined the bureau, while you were still getting straight As and dating your professors."

I ignored the last part of his comment, "And when did Steve start giving me the creepy eyes?"

"Not till five years ago. Apparently they really didn't need a specific person 'monitoring' you until you came back - which makes me hate myself for convincing you to do so in the first place."

I placed my empty wine glass on the hardwood floor and began to study the flash drive in my hand, "What's on this?"

"Everything." he said, "I scanned all the files onto it. Finished yours a good twenty minutes before the asshole arrived for work -much to his dismay I told him you were sick. I kind of liked scaring him like that."

"How so?"

"You don't get sick anymore, unless you're pregnant, but...yeah."

I snorted, "I get headaches all the time."

"Stress, fatigue...no illness."

"You don't get sick either."

He nodded at me then at the bedroom door, "Perfect attendance until today."

Now he was going down the road I didn't want to travel, I handed him the flash drive, "No." I said standing up, "I'm going to take a shower, go back to bed, and pretend we never started this conversation."

April 14, 2008 - it was a Monday and I had been throwing up since the previous Friday. I had started back at the FBI only two weeks prior, so naturally I blamed the bureau for my illness, but made a doctors appointment anyway for that day with a woman who had to have just graduated medical school. My lunch hour was spent sitting on cold butcher block paper being poked and having all available liquids extracted for testing. She said she should have the results by the end of the day, dismissing me with a simple prescription for nausea, which my body naturally rejected along with everything else.

Given my condition, we left the office by three and I was home in my comfy pajamas in bed wishing the world would stop spinning and I could eat like a normal human being again. I had eventually fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes Mulder was standing by the bed holding my cellphone in his hand just staring at me - a look I couldn't understand and it terrified me.

"What?" I asked him.

"Your doctor called..." he drifted off as if unable to finish the sentence, which instantly caused me to panic, but before I could burst into tears he finished with, "You're pregnant."

Seven pounds, eight ounces, twenty one inches. Eyes blue, hair auburn. Born at 2:34PM November 22, 2008. Five years later, flash drive in hand, rocking in the same chair I nursed her in, watching my little princess sleep. Sometimes her right thumb would find its way into her mouth, but for most of the time I had been watching her she just laid on her back content with her existence. The untamable mane of auburn curls of her mother, the deep set puppy dog eyes of her father. She was in every way the perfect pieces of both of us. I just wish I understood how.

"I thought I'd find you here." Mulder whispered from the doorway still in his pajamas as he closed the door behind him and approached me, "How long have you been in here?"

I shrugged, "I lost track of time."

"Are you actually going to work today?"

"Why bother." I replied sighing heavily feeling there was really no true point, "So Steve can keep track of how many times I use the bathroom?"

"Maybe it would have been better if you didn't know."

"Maybe. Up till now I was pretty content with my life. I had a husband, two kids, a good job...I didn't have to think too much about this thing in my neck and violent nightmares of drills and painful tests."

"It's not like I was on a Disney ride myself."

"I know. But that was all in the past." I looked down at the red hard reminder of everything I wanted to forget; "Now here it is, an unwanted memento of the worst times in my life."

"You know I didn't do it to hurt you."

I nodded, "But even if you didn't tell me, you knew. I assumed you read everything."

He nodded. "Yes." his voice was barely a whisper, "I had to know."

"Of course you did. Does it change anything?"

"Only further disdain for the people who sign our paychecks."

"About me...about her."

"Never. On both counts. Before you send your mind on an ill fated road trip, she's ours. One hundred percent ours."

"You're not the one who was in labor for eighteen hours. I'm fully aware she came out of me as did our first child, but the question still remains. How?"

"Do I really need to tell you about the birds and the bees?"

"You know what I mean."

He shook his head, "Not here."

As I sat at the kitchen table, cup of hot chamomile tea between my shaking hands, watching the minutes pass on the microwave digital clock, I listened to a story. A story about two people destined to be together, even if it took them nearly a decade to get there. About two people chosen for reasons they weren't even aware of nor had any control over. Apparently Mulder being the product of an affair and myself having a recessive hair color gene factored a lot into it - even if the tone of my hair now wasn't exactly the one I was born with. Hearing that I had been studied and researched years before I even met the man who would become my husband made me sick to my stomach. Knowing that they brought us together just to torture us and to manipulate our genes for one singular purpose - perfect children. We weren't alone - which didn't make me feel any better about the situation - and even though he didn't go into great detail about exactly what was done to me, the short of it was my ova was extracted and manipulated to create super soldiers. Emily, and others. He wouldn't tell me exactly how many, probably to spare me further pain, and that the testing of our genetic material started right after my disappearance. Apparently thanks to some testing Mulder had "volunteered" for after he joined the bureau, they already had the necessary material to help create these perfect children, all the while waiting for us to actually do the work ourselves with the manipulated ova that remained in my now picked apart reproductive system. Which took a lot longer than they expected or wanted; and in that time Mulder had been exposed to the black oil, and injected with alien DNA. If anyone else told me this story, I wouldn't have believed a word they said, but after all that I went through with my son - and how many people tried to hurt him and those who tried to save him, I knew this to be true. William's pregnancy was difficult, and painful, and I spent more time in hospitals in those nine months than in the previous thirty-six years of my life. Melissa wasn't easy, the first few months the nausea was so bad I had trouble getting out of bed, but the last two trimesters were fine. As if she found a comfortable position and wasn't moving until it was time to join us. So, I now understood I was never barren - Mulder just assumed I was based on false information given by either uneducated or very confused medical professionals at the time. I think we proved that with William and then seven years later with Melissa. Given the amount of time between both pregnancies, and the fact we weren't exactly abstinent or used protection of any kind because we just assumed I couldn't get pregnant in the first place, I still needed to know how. Beyond the basic "when a man and woman love each other very much..."

"The chip." Mulder leaned back in the chair, "It controls a lot more than we realized."

"How much more?" I asked sipping my now cold tea and not really wanting to know the answer, but also knowing I had to.

"It's not a tracker, like we feared, or they would have found us in butt scratch Texas eight years ago. It keeps that tumor from killing you, keeps your immune system at about two billion percent which is why you don't get sick and controls ovulation."

"Controls how? Ovulation is a natural process that happens to child bearing women every twenty six days or so. How can a chip control that?"

"I don't know the complete details, but..." Mulder looked more uncomfortable than he had all night talking about this. Sure, explaining that you 'volunteered' into a cup you have no problem with, but informing the mother of your children how those children came to be is too much, "it's on a schedule that started when it was re-implanted into you back when you were ill. Apparently the original did the same, but I guess they destroyed all of that information once you had it removed. Maybe as a fail safe, I'm not quite sure. I'm not sure how true it is, given you still get extremely moody and combative one week out of the month, but the schedule only allows ovulation once every two hundred and eighty six days."

This was science fiction, but sadly everything that had happened to me sounded like it came out of a bad science fiction novel. "My body thinks it's ovulating, but it's not..."

"According to the 'schedule' yes. I know how the female body works, very well actually, and even though you may have all the symptoms of ovulation, there's nothing there...except for the scheduled days..." his voice drifted off a bit and he got up, standing behind the kitchen chair and bracing his body against it, "The dates match. Almost exactly nine months give or take a few days."

My neck started to itch again, "When's the next date?"

He shook his head, "I don't remember."

I knew he knew...I could see it in his eyes, "If anything that explains why I've only gotten pregnant twice."

He nodded, "Sometimes you get lucky." he shrugged, "But the schedule doesn't stop either."

"Mulder, I'm fifty."

"I'm well aware of that fact, but think of it this way; you could make it into the Guinness book of world records."

He was trying to be funny, but I was mortified, "That's impossible Mulder. The female body is not designed that way. We don't regenerate ova like men can continue to make sperm for the rest of their lives, we are born with a set amount, which we lose throughout our lifetimes until there are none remaining which is when we reach menopause. With how many they took from me, I couldn't have been left with that many which, through nature, will die as I get older."

"But you don't understand, they're not getting any older. You may be fifty on the outside, but in the inside - you're ageless."

"Worst come on line ever."

"It's not. It's true. You can live forever if you want to."

An instant shock went through my body, "Don't say that!"

"Why, from everything I've read you're...immortal."

And then I threw up.

All over my kitchen floor.

I didn't bother going into the office. After cleaning the kitchen, Mulder took the kids to school and I stayed in bed. The red flash drive sitting on the nightstand torturing me.

Immortal.

This wasn't the first time I heard this, not in so many words, and even though I thought the man who told me I would never die was just trying to humor me, his words now haunted my soul. Grabbing the laptop off my desk I shoved the flash drive into the USB port and watched the folders appear before me. Thousands of PDFs with dates.

October 1994

Subject 0223 - apparently I had no name, only my date of birth identified me and the numerous tests that, looking at now, made me sick to my stomach. Ova extraction, ova testing and chromosomal testing; so many tests on a very tiny subject. Defective gene removal - how was this even possible? As a scientist I was intrigued, as a victim I was mortified. Chromosomal abnormalities were removed from my ova before they were re-implanted weeks later.

I had to sit back and take it all in. Perfect children. When I was a child I was labeled 'gifted' and really had no trouble absorbing new information or retaining it. I received perfect scores from kindergarten on and had no trouble whizzing through medical school as well. Even when I went back for my license in pediatric neurology I finished my studies in record time. I was smart, I was genetic defect free, but I was born that way. This kind of technology wasn't even thought of in the sixties - or was it. Now I questioned my own damn existence.

Then there was Mulder. Smart, genetically imperfection free with the exception of a nose he complained about which I found made him that much more uniquely attractive, grew up like any other kid till his sister disappeared and his life became a mission to find her. She was taken like I was, and even though the reasons aren't clear I'm sure in someone's mind the reasons for both abductions were because of him.

There was a spreadsheet labeled Ovulation Schedule which was created a little over twenty-four hours earlier. I opened it. Apparently he had compiled data and put it into a spreadsheet to track when my body was "scheduled" to ovulate, as if I had no real control over it. Actually, when does a woman ever have true control over her body? Oh but if we could

The first date on the spreadsheet was 03/07/1998. I was ill the Thanksgiving and Christmas before then, and apparently my 'clock' didn't start ticking until March. The dates continued within an Excel formula that Mulder had obviously created. 04/25/2000 was highlighted as well as 02/23/2008 - those must have been the dates he was saying linked with the births of our children. 02/23/2008 was my forty-fourth birthday, the day after Mulder proposed. Not too surprising that all happened around the same time.

04/25/2000 - I had to think...and smile a little. My skin tingled with the memories

We had already been together, that first time was magical in and of itself. Not awkward like you expected and even though I panicked and fled before he even woke up, I knew I had opened the book to a story that would never end.

We laid ground rules. Stay professional, nothing can change at work. It only took one day for me to break that rule. Even when we would be on assignment, one government paid hotel room would go to waste. It was a very crazy week. Then we went to North Carolina, and everything changed.

I knew it wasn't a fling, I knew I loved him before I even walked into his bedroom, but when you see the man you've finally given yourself to, lying in a hospital bed near death things...change. His recovery was spent alone, I felt that was for the best, and the day he returned to work his voice was raspy and he was more distant than I wanted him to be. Sure he was cracking jokes like he always did, but something had changed and I was terrified that while he lay in a hospital bed trying like hell to breathe, the feelings he had for me vanished. I know now it's because he knew he was dying, and in that time felt he was losing more than his life.

How I could remember that specific date - it was a Tuesday - was baffling, but as I stared at it highlighted in yellow in Calibri 12 font on the screen in front of me the memories came flooding back. With a heavy heart I arrived at his apartment with hot tea and hot and sour soup. To this day I remember the fear in my heart knocking on that door, terrified he would turn me away, but he didn't. Only seven pm and he was in a grey t-shirt and baggy flannel pajama bottoms. Antibiotics and steroid filled inhalers covered the coffee table. I myself was still in the same clothes I left the office wearing, and given the rising temperatures my pantyhose felt like a straight jacket.

Groundhog Day was paused on the TV - that movie still to this day gives me the strangest case of Deja vu and I can't figure out why - and he invited me to join him, so I did. He said he wasn't hungry, but opened the soup anyway, and drank the tea - maybe just to humor me - and as I watched Bill Murray walk into the bathroom with a toaster I took a chance and rested my head on his shoulder - he didn't object. After a moment, as Bill now jumped off a bridge, I took his left hand in my right and gently squeezed it, he didn't pull away and by the time I've Got You Babe was heard for the last time, my clothes were on the floor and my body was reacting in tune to Nat King Cole singing Almost Like Being in Love.

And apparently, that's when I got pregnant.

The rest of the dates I couldn't link to much of anything, some we weren't even together, others were just so sporadic. 06/14/2002 - Mulder was sleeping on a cement floor for crimes he didn't commit - 04/19/2005 - I was spending most of my time at the University of Virginia getting my specialist license. I don't think we saw one another let alone touched each other most of that year. 06/08/2007, a patient had died and I wasn't exactly in a Let's Get it On mood. Sadly, this chart of dates made sense. If it was only possible for me to get pregnant every two hundred and sixty days - which I assume included the twelve to twenty four hours after the ova was released - it made sense that I only had two children.

July 21, 2014

He highlighted it, and once again, I wanted to throw up.

Instead I closed the file, took a shower, got dressed and in my car and drove to work.

When I arrived at our office it was empty. The screensaver was going on Mulder's computer and it wasn't even noon so I knew he wasn't at lunch. His blazer hung on the back of his chair and the seat of said chair was cold. He was here somewhere, but going on a hunt for him would be pointless.

Instead I went to work.

When I agreed to return to the bureau in 2008 there were a lot of pro and con reasons for doing so. At the time we feared the end of the world in four years, and were being told that we needed to protect the country and its people. First we had to find all the people worth protecting. Even saying that now makes me ill, but prodigies, geniuses, if the world was going to be taken over by aliens we wanted to protect the best and the brightest. Thankfully not every member of congress fell under said standards. Rock stars, actors - the Kardashians were not royalty when it came down to what mattered - and we were paid handsomely for this service as well as a mortgage free home in a military base guarded piece of land near the boarder of West Virginia. For nearly two months I dug into the lives of over three thousand people before I found out I was pregnant and went on instant maternity leave. By the time I returned when Melissa was seven months old we had narrowed the list down to two hundred people. Some I had never heard of, but had IQs I envied. When December 18th, 2012 rolled around ten percent of the population of the United States went missing. Ten percent. My only saving grace was my entire family got to be included. Underground bunkers had been constructed on each coast and one in Texas. Ours had wings so we never saw the president or his family, but knew they were there. For six days we were underneath nearly half a mile of concrete and magnetite unable to tell our children exactly why. My mother tried to calm Melissa and her constant four year old questions, William kept to himself because he was still angry - sadly not much had changed since then - and that thing in the back of my neck was troubling me more and more. By Christmas day we realized nothing had happened. No aliens, no Armageddon. Nothing. One by one we went back to our normal lives. The place we had called home for four years was destroyed and with the money we had saved we purchased land in Chantilly and built our dream home with a spacious backyard with pool, four bedrooms and a hundred foot driveway. Our nearest neighbor was a block away and that's how I wanted it. We went back to work in March of 2013. There was some restructuring, but we had the same office as before and now our jobs were to find people like us. Using data collected from everything from used needles after flu shots, to blood draws, urine and DNA tests, our sole purpose was to find and track potential alien infected beings. We were never told why, and given we had signed indefinite contracts - hell, we thought the world was ending in four years - we were pretty much being forced to track down people who had been tortured in the same way we were; but only in the Mid-Atlantic area. Other divisions in other sectors handled the rest of the country and in the year we had been doing this we found one person. A man named Charles who moved to DC from Russia in 2009. We met with him on a Sunday; he owned a small coffee shop in Georgetown which catered to those who boycotted Starbucks. He was doing well for himself, but seemed suspicious as to why two people from the FBI wanted to meet with him. Charles was in his early fifties, had three boys and a wife. We informed him that he turned up positive on a random search for radioactivity exposure and that a simple injection would take care of it. He seemed hesitant, but also fearful and quickly obliged. His children and wife received the same injection and even though I knew what I was really injecting was a tiny microchip that would latch onto the base of his spine just like the one imbedded in me for the last sixteen years, I had to think there was a good reason behind it, even if I hated myself at the same time and hoped I would never find another Charles.

And today, as I logged into my computer and opened up the latest batch of samples sent to me, I took my cross in my hand, closed my eyes and silently prayed that I'd find nothing.

"Someone looks better." Mulder's voice boomed, startling me out of my prayer

I forced a smile, "Where were you?" I asked him as he straightened his tie and closed the door behind him before returning to his chair

"Receiving bad news." he sighed heavily before looking at me, "We can't wait till June to move."

"But why?"

"I don't know. We have to leave April 1st. No exceptions."

"That's less than a month away!"

"I'm aware of how many days are in a month, Scully. I told you I don't have any control over it."

"You can still say no can't you?"

He sighed even heavier, "Apparently not. The paperwork has already gone through according to 'them' and there's no way out. Per that contract I wish I could burn. And to think twelve years ago this agency couldn't wait to get rid of me."

"That doesn't give us any time to pack, not to mention selling our dream house."

"We're not selling the house. The move isn't permanent."

He never told me that, "You never-"

"I know." he leaned back in his chair and looked at his watch, "I need to get the hell out of here. It's nearly lunch time anyway."

As we sat at a small table at the local Italian restaurant that almost served as our second home, Mulder explained that roles had changed and they only needed us on a temporary basis. The dog we were going to get William for his birthday would have to be put on hold due to quarantine. He couldn't say how long we would have to be there, but there would be no need to sell our home.

Mulder was pretty quiet the rest of the day. We sat at our desks, looking for irregularities and waited for five o'clock to come. Since we both drove in to the office, Mulder picked up the kids and I picked up dinner. I really wasn't up for cooking.

Usually on Friday nights my husband barricaded the door and attacked me like a wild animal, but tonight he sat up in bed with his Sports Illustrated as I sat next to him wondering if all this new found information made me suddenly undesirable.

"July 21st..." I said not looking at him, but wanting some kind of reaction from him.

He said nothing

"Mulder..."

"I heard you."

"You highlighted the date."

"I didn't think you'd even look at it."

"You had to know I eventually would. Mulder..."

"It's worth a shot at least, you are a scientist I thought you'd be intrigued."

"Babies aren't experiments."

"Ours our."

"You know you don't mean that."

He nodded and put the magazine down, "I've taken in a lot of information in the last few days, and my brain is still trying to process all of it. At the time I thought, hell it's like being given a magic formula that explains why a woman I was told was barren sixteen years ago, has given birth to two children; at least I was there for one of them, and I thought well - it would be interesting to try to prove the theory."

"If we had another baby based on said calculations I'd be fifty one when it was born, you'd be nearly fifty four - by the time it graduated high school you would almost be seventy."

"Some men aren't even fathers until they're seventy."

"You know that's not the point. You really want to bring another child into this world just to prove a theory?"

"Third time is generally the charm."

"I think two charms are fine Mulder. We have two children - as you call them perfect children and with the exception of the attitude of one, I'm inclined to believe you - and given the world is already over populated as it is I believe we've done our part."

"So, it's a no then." He now turned and looked directly at me and not with sadness or anger in his eyes, but what seemed to be hopelessness. "You're just done."

"I'm fifty."

He nodded and picked up the magazine. "Keep telling yourself that."

Weekends in our house were generally spent driving the kids to various lessons. Melissa took tap on Saturdays and ballet on Sundays. William was on the basketball team and had a game on March 1st. I met Mulder at the school a good fifteen minutes before tip off with Melissa in her tights and sneakers. As much as she would have loved to entertain the bleachers full of attendees with her tapping skills, I didn't want to inflict that sound on anyone else, and so the tap shoes were left in the car. I sat next to my husband and placed the wiggly five-year-old on my lap; maybe as some kind of buffer. We hadn't really spoken and would be going out for pizza after the game. Did I have to really explain to him I wasn't a breeder? That I didn't want to put my body through yet another pregnancy just so he could be right about something? He was taking this way too seriously and given we spent more time together than most married couples did, I refused to spend that time in bitter silence.

Moving closer to him I placed my hands around Melissa's tiny waist and placed her on her father's lap. Mulder's head turned to me and his brow furrowed.

"Hold her." I said

He shrugged then crossed his arms around her chest, holding her against him the way he always did.

"Every second of every day, for nine months."

He sighed and his eyes rolled up before turning back to me, "I get your point."

"I really don't think you do. I love my children, and if I was twenty years younger hell even ten years younger I'd have no qualms about having another one, but Mulder it's not a cake walk and sure you may say I'm immortal and you may actually believe it, but I'm not. I'm fifty. I may not 'look' fifty, but I feel fifty. There's a reason fifty year old women don't have babies."

"Fine." he tightened his hold on the squirmier; "Let's just move on."

"Good." I sighed even though I knew he didn't know how to move on.

Sunday seemed to fly by, there was ballet, then back home watching my husband zone out at the TV as I attempted to start our taxes. Given we would not be in the country April 15th I figured I might as well get them out of the way. Generally I had them finished in January, but I'd been busy.

The routine began again on Monday. Up at five, ten minute showers, then out the door carpooling for an hour without really talking. As I knew, he hadn't moved on. There really wasn't much I could do about it. My body. My choice. My current nightmare.

Subject - Female - 0605-4526 - high iron count, but nothing more than that

Subject - Male - 1208-8542 - low testosterone levels, high blood pressure

I was very close to losing my mind

"Vampires..." I said out loud as I watched Mulder chew on the inside of his left cheek.

"Huh?" Mulder turned and eyeballed me, "Did you just say vampires?"

"Vampires. Ghosts. Demonic cloned twins."

"Is this a verbal resume you're giving me?"

"Mutants, psychics..."

"Serial killers, rapists...I see where you're going."

"Do you ever miss it?"

"Yeah sure. I missed it six years ago and you nearly left me over that fact."

"At least I realized I was wrong at the time. And if you recall I was going through a lot of emotional problems at the time myself."

"I recall. I also made a choice - you over vampires. So what are you saying? You want to go back to searching the sewers for Son of Flukeman?"

"Not necessarily Flukeman per say, but maybe something a bit more fulfilling than Subject 0907-5642 having high cholesterol."

"You know there's a purpose to this."

"Which I hate myself for."

"We can't exactly quit." Mulder said in a very defeated tone, "If we could I'd have done it a year ago."

"Is that why you chose to go to France. A better purpose?"

"I never chose to go there."

"What did you do there?"

"You know I can't tell you."

"What will you be doing there?"

He shook his head

"What will I be doing there?"

"What you do best." he said getting up from his chair and locking his computer, "Taking care of people. I'm going to get some water, do you want anything?"

I shook my head and watched him leave, then shut the door behind him.

My eyes slowly rolling upwards to the camera above my head I scowled at the blinking red light and mouthed, "I fucking hate you all."

In 1989 I was just an ordinary girl with dreams of becoming a doctor, when one cold day in January some men approached me about joining the Federal Bureau of Investigation. My initial response was no, I was going to be a doctor, but they gave me a card and told me to call them if I changed my mind. Not a year later while I was applying for residency at various hospitals I found the card at the bottom of my drawer. I can't even remember whose name was on the card, but in that instant it just felt like fate. Within the week I was in the academy and on March 6, 1992 I was teamed with the man who now sat next to me on Delta flight 7891 to Orlando.

"On this day twenty two years ago I lay awake in bed terrified and excited about where my life was going." I said looking out the tiny oval window, "I called my sister, talked to her for two hours at one am." I said turning to Mulder who flipped through the Sky Mall catalog, "Full of fear that whomever they partnered me with would hate me."

"You were pretty cocky." he smirked.

"Touché." I smiled, "And ditto. At least you already knew about me..."

"For at least a week, I had to bone up on this person being sent to spy on me."

"I never spied on you." I said in my 'I'm sick of you using that word' way of speaking, "Did you ever think we'd make it this far?"

Mulder nodded, "I was sure of it." he smiled and looked to the right "Are you sure she's ok over there?"

I leaned forward and watched Missy as she sat in the window seat coloring in her coloring book as her brother played on his phone with ear buds in ignoring the world.

"She's fine. If she can survive a flight to Disneyworld I'm pretty sure she can survive a flight to France."

On Tuesday a truce was made. As surprising as it sounded we could never stay mad at each other for too long regardless of the reason and by Tuesday we agreed to not bring up the baby idea. To completely remove the date from our minds. And even though he agreed to it, I knew he really hadn't and I set a reminder on my phone just in case. We also had to make up because we decided to actually spend our anniversary as a family. The dates worked out perfectly given the schools had teacher work days on Thursday and Friday - I didn't recall that many of those in my day - and got a great rate on first class tickets to Orlando for four. More like decades of frequent flier miles being used up now that I felt Melissa was old enough to enjoy it. I was also hoping that a trip to the Magic Kingdom would get William out of his funk; since nothing else was working.

This trip also served another purpose, to spring on our children they would be forced to learn another language. Melissa would be easy to please; the other one...not so much. As I downed my second club soda, I leaned forward to look at him again, just mindlessly playing some game on his phone and ignoring everyone around him. And to think he wasn't even a teenager. Yet.

When the plane hit the tarmac at a little before nine, the pre-pubescent one leaped out of his seat as if it was on fire almost hitting the elderly man in front of him making it clear once again how little time he actually wanted to spend with us. After he had passed, I picked my sleeping child out of her seat and handed her off to her father as I worked on picking up the crayons and crackers she had left behind. Half of coach was off the plane by the time I finished and could deplane myself, meeting my family outside the gate where we then made our way to baggage claim, Melissa sound asleep on her father's shoulder. Moments like this did make me long for another child, a thought that quickly escaped my mind when the eldest one announced his phone was dying and he needed to charge it.

More whining as we waited for the luggage, then pre-teen temper tantrums of 'five percent' as we waited for the rental car. As soon as we got to the rental SUV, Mulder grabbed the iphone and shoved it into the glove compartment and locked it. I'm pretty sure he really wanted to break the thing, but knew that he'd eventually have to buy another. As much as we didn't think a twelve year old needed a phone, sadly in this day and age he did. Not really a smart phone, but Mulder was feeling generous at the time he purchased it.

If I had locked the phone away, William would have screamed bloody murder, but he was honestly afraid of his father for reasons I couldn't fathom, and it helped in these instances. He quietly got into the backseat, put on his seatbelt and sulked. Missy was still asleep as I strapped her into her boaster seat - only a few more months and hopefully she'd be tall enough to no longer need it - and it wasn't until we were halfway to the hotel that she awakened and cried about being hungry.

Dinner was Dennys, and by the time we actually got checked into the hotel it was past eleven. The room had two bedrooms and a living area. We would only be here for five days, but the only other option was two beds in one room and making the kids share a bed wouldn't be the smartest option. The second bedroom had bunk beds, and even though he was grumbling under his breath, William tossed his backpack on the top bunk and climbed up the tiny ladder.

"When do I get my phone back?" He asked me.

I turned to the man who was rolling the pink Barbie suitcase into the room, "If I had my way never, but not until we go home."

"Then what am I supposed to do!"

"Read. Write. Think. I don't much care right now."

After William was returned to us, he was quiet. He didn't speak much for the first few months. Then the anger started, mostly towards his sister and me. Mulder was always the buffer; he turned to his father for everything and could get away with almost anything. Even all the times he ran away Mulder took his side. Told me he was fighting demons and he would get through them eventually, but since he had come home from London things had changed. He never yelled at the child, but he was much sterner than I had ever seen him be with William, and began to coddle Melissa more so. Now I could tell his patience was wearing thin and hoped William would get the clue.

Somehow he did and decided to just lie down in the bed and stare at the ceiling. Mulder helped Missy with her bath - lots and lots of bubbles - before tucking her in. I sat in the queen sized bed with questionable bedspread and waited for him to return.

"Are you feeling alright?" I asked when he finally came to bed, five minutes before midnight.

"I'm fine." he said closing and locking the door. "Why do you ask?"

"I've just never seen you be so cross with him."

Mulder shrugged and got into bed, "He's had it coming. Not sure this trip will change anything, but we've got a lot to deal with in the next few weeks and he really needs to straighten up. I know what it's like to be twelve; shit, I had my life fall apart when I was his age, but he really has nothing to complain about and needs to just get over himself."

"Did you tell him that?"

"I told him to go to bed." Mulder leaned over and turned off the lights, "As should we."

I knew there was something going on, but I felt it best not to press him.

On March 6, 1992 I walked into an office to meet the man I had been partnered with

On March 6, 2008 I married that man

On March 6, 2014 I woke up in Orlando, Florida wondering where the hell that man was.

"Mulder?" I called out as I felt the left side of the bed which was cold, then looked at the clock which read eight thirty eight.

The room was a bit chilly, probably nothing compared to the weather we were getting at home, but I got out of the warm bed on a mission. I went to the other bedroom and it was empty as well. Fear began to take over until I realized an important fact - my wedding ring was gone.

Every year he found a new way to remove it without my knowledge, but most of the time it was while I was in a dead sleep. My hand always felt funny those few hours I was aware it was missing, but this was the first time he'd done it out of town - so I was actually impressed he found a jeweler in Orlando on short notice to add the sixth diamond. Depending on the length of our marriage I'd be sporting a pretty expensive band of gold. I decided to sit on the couch and go through the booklet Disney had sent us along with our four day passes to the kingdom. I hadn't been to Disneyland since the mid seventies and had never been to Disneyworld, so it was a new experience for all of us. Mulder said they almost went in 1973 and well...

Luckily I wasn't alone in thought for too long before I heard voices behind the door followed by one man carrying a white paper bag with a handle, a little girl with flowers and a young man with a scowl who quickly went to the other room and slammed the door.

"These are you for you, mommy." Melissa said handing me the bouquet of roses.

"Thank you sweetie." I said taking the flowers before I stood up and looked at the man with the white bag, "One day I'm going to catch you..."

He smirked, "I'm too good." he replied before taking the velvet box out of the bag, opening it and placing the slightly heavier ring on my finger. "Until I have to get a second band."

"If we last that long." I joked, but noticed he really didn't appreciate the joke this time, "I'm kidding..." I added, but his dour expression didn't change.

"We should probably get breakfast before the park gets too crowded." Mulder said to me as he placed the white bag on the front table. "I didn't want to wake you so I'm going to take a quick shower, then we can get going." he said not really looking at me, just walking past me into the other bedroom until I heard the bathroom door close.

Missy was staring at me blankly and even though she was only five, I knew something was churning in her little mind, "Was daddy upset this morning?" I asked her

Missy shook her head, "No, but William said he hated us and daddy got mad."

"Then what did daddy do?"

"He said shut up."

"Anything else?"

Missy shook her head, "No."

I didn't want to go there, I didn't want to believe my child could read minds as much as her father seemed to believe, even if on occasion she scared the hell out of me, so I figured I'd give it a shot, "What did he tell you Missy?"

"Don't tell mommy." Missy replied looking down at the floor, "I'm hungry."

I nodded, "Just...go to your bed and read. We'll be leaving soon."

"Ok." Melissa went to the other bedroom and opened the door, where I could see a stewing child on the top bunk with his arms crossed staring at the ceiling.

I was just so lost.

The shower was running when I walked into the bathroom and pulled back the curtain; the naked man under the running water looked startled, but didn't exactly object.

"Probably not the best timing..." he said his hands working the shampoo through his hair.

"Should I be worried when it comes to my son?" I asked not really caring that the water was projecting off of him and onto me.

Mulder bit his lip and removed his soapy hands from his hair, "Just come in here, you're letting the cold air in."

After closing the bathroom door I removed my clothing and stepped into the tub, closing the curtain beside me and facing my husband, "Now, answer me."

"Worried, no. Concerned. Yes." he said handing me my bottle of shower gel, "Might as well kill two birds."

"Two words that essentially mean the same thing."

"Essentially, but not in this case. His anger is getting worse, what he's angry about he won't tell me, I know he's told Missy, but she's keeping her mouth shut for reasons I don't even understand. Some kind of sibling solidarity maybe, but judging from personal experience his anger is only going to get worse. He may start striking out, as we've already witnessed with the last school expulsion. My fear - concern - is that they won't be as patient with him in France; we need to get to the heart of what is bothering him before it's too late and I'm sorry, but I seriously doubt Mickey Mouse is going to solve this problem."

I was already into conditioning my hair by the time he was finished, and even though I knew Disneyworld wasn't a magic solution it was at least a hope, "If he ultimately strikes out at anyone it's going to be me."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Then I have to be straight with him. Tell him everything."

"I'm not sure that will help."

"I have to at least try."

I didn't have a degree in psychology, I never lost myself getting into the mind of a serial killer, but as I sat across from my son at an overpriced restaurant inside the Magic Kingdom I was determined to get into his head no matter the consequences.

We played a game of face off for about ten minutes. He had a coke, I had an ice tea, and the bill was already giving me a headache. After breakfast, where my son naturally stewed and said nothing beyond what he wanted to eat, Mulder and Melissa went to the teacups and I would text Mulder when we were done. Hopefully with some kind of reconciliation.

"How long do I have to sit here?" William asked.

"Until we hash this out."

"Hash what out?"

"Your attitude."

"I don't have an attitude." he said with - an attitude.

"William, you've had an attitude since you came home five years ago. I know you're angry and expecting an 'I love you' out of you is a long shot, but I honestly can't take this anymore. Just get it out. Whatever you have to say to me, just say it. I know you hate me, I just want to know why."

"I don't hate you." he said in a stubborn tone.

"Your sister said you did. Just this morning you expressed said emotion."

"I was just mad because he wouldn't give me my phone back. I didn't mean it."

"But you're constantly stewing at me, which means you have some sort of resentment so just tell me why. No repercussions I just want to know what's bothering you so very much."

William stared down at his soda for a moment, bent the straw back and forth and after way too many moments passed, looked up at me "I just...why do you hate me?"

I was taken aback. Could this be the issue all along? For the last five years could he have simply thought I hated him? All the therapy sessions, why was this never brought up? It could not be this simple.

"How could you even think that?" I asked still in such shock I could hardly form the words, "How?"

He shrugged and leaned back in the booth, "Because you gave me away. You didn't give Melissa away."

"The circumstances were and are completely different. I told you that."

"But you never told me why?" his eyes were actually beginning to tear up, "That's all I ever wanted to know."

"So, you've been moping around, hitting other kids, treating us like garbage because you just wanted to know why?"

He shrugged and leaned back against the booth, "Why won't you tell me?"

I leaned back as well, "I didn't think you'd understand."

"I'm not stupid."

"I know you're not." Now came the dilemma, tell him the truth, or make up some lie he'd see right through. He said he was ready to know, but was I?

"You're not going to tell me." William sat up, "What did I do wrong?"

"You were a baby you didn't do anything wrong." I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, "It's just very hard to put into words."

"I can take it." he said before reaching over and taking my hands, "Really mom, I need to know."

He said mom. For the last five years he either called me 'what' ' you' or sometimes 'mother' but this was the first time I heard 'mom' come out of his mouth and it was directed at me. So, I had to let it all out.

In the course of an hour I essentially spilled my guts. Thankfully my son already knew about the birds and the bees so I didn't have to get graphic, but in the end I told him what he wanted, what he needed to know. Only what he needed to know. I told him how he was very special, and people wanted to hurt him. How his father had to go into hiding - I felt it best to leave out the abduction, death and subsequent resurrection to keep the child from knowing too much useless information - and even confessed to his kidnapping by a cult. Well, to me they were a cult. In the end I told him how much I loved him, and how much it hurt me to have to send him away. How I had no idea his adoptive parents had been killed and he was being bounced around in foster care, and if I had I would have done whatever I could to get him back. By the time I was finished I -had a face full of tears and a frozen in shock twelve-year-old boy in front of me. When we attended therapy so many years ago I only told the therapist I had to give him up because it was too difficult to raise him alone. Looking back I should have told him the truth then, maybe then I would have saved us a good five years of resentment and silent hate.

As I wiped away my tears William picked up his soda and drank a bit of it, he then placed it back on the table and took a deep breath, "I remember..."

"What?" I asked as he just stared blankly at me, "What do you remember?"

"All of it." he shook his head, "I used to have nightmares, I couldn't make out the faces, but I saw lots of people, and they scared me. It ...all makes sense now."

"William you were an infant you couldn't possibly remember any of that. Long term memory does not develop until at least three years old."

He shook his head, "I remember. I remember everything." he blinked and looked down, "In the first grade I wrote a story about a boy who had superpowers, and the only thing he wanted to do was stop his mommy from crying." he looked up at me and shook his head, "You cried a lot."

I closed my eyes and looked down, "I had a lot to cry about..."

"I guess that's what I remembered most. But why couldn't you tell me this before?"

"I thought you were too young. We both did."

"But no one wants to hurt us now, right? I mean, no one wanted to hurt Melissa."

I nodded, "No, we haven't had any of the same threats." I still didn't feel very comfortable telling him any of this.

"I'm different aren't I?" Now he was going down an entirely different road I wasn't prepared for.

"We all are..." I replied without thinking.

"Are we aliens?"

And now, I was out of answers.

Two iced teas and three Cokes later we left the diner and I texted my husband to meet us at the It's a Small World ride. He texted back that they were with Winnie the Pooh and would get to us when they could. Are we aliens? I told him no. He seemed ok with that answer, but I feared it would come up again.

"Are we ok now?" I asked him as we stood by the ride.

William squinted up at me - the boy was three inches shorter than me so he didn't have to squint up far - and nodded, "I guess."

"I've told you everything."

"I know." He shoved his hands in his pockets, "But I guess I have questions you don't even know the answers to."

"That's probably true, but I promise to answer any and all you may have for me."

"Good." he actually smiled

I wouldn't say everything magically changed that day, but William was a lot less sulky, smiled a bit, but seemed more lost in thought than anything else; it beat hearing him whine about his phone. By the time we left the kingdom, after the fireworks, both children were tired and after bathing fell right into a dead sleep.

"Whatever you said to him seemed to have helped." Mulder said as he tiredly changed into his pajamas as I did the same, leaving clothes on the floor and feeling too exhausted to care.

"I just told him the truth."

"The entire truth?" Mulder asked in a cautious tone as we got into bed, "Everything?"

"I left out a good chunk, I really didn't think he needed to know everything that happened to you or me, but essentially told him he was special, so special that people wanted to hurt him and that's why I had to send him away. In the end he seemed pretty satisfied; he actually claimed he remembered it all."

"Remembered what happened to him? This all happened before he was even a year old."

"I know." I shrugged, "Let him believe it if he wants, at least I was able to confirm whatever was going on in his mind and maybe that helped."

"Maybe." Mulder reached over to turn off the light.

"Then he asked if we were aliens." I said just as the room went dark

The light turned back on a second later.

"Why would he ask that?" Mulder wasn't joking. He actually sounded more serious than I had heard him in a long time, "Did you lead him to believe something?"

"Never. Not one bit. Even with the kidnapping and the cult I just told him that he was taken by a religious cult. Nothing to do with aliens at all."

"Then why would he ask that?"

"I didn't ask him."

Mulder sighed and shook his head, "I'll deal with it tomorrow."

"I'm sure he will forget about it by then."

"I'm sure he won't." Mulder said before the room went dark again.

Regardless of how exhausted I was, sleep wasn't coming and I knew I wasn't alone because in the short time I was asleep someone had left the bed. I found him in the main room on his laptop, the light from the screen being the only light visible as he sat at the table typing away.

"What time is it?" I asked him as my eyes adjusted to the tiny - yet bright - light.

"Two fifteen." Mulder replied, "Go back to bed."

"I can't." I replied sitting in the chair across from him, "I need this six foot weight next to me."

Mulder smirked, "I just had to look up something."

"What, or is it something else you can't tell me."

He shrugged, "Just looking through his school records, seeing if the alien thing ever came up."

"Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"Because if he says it to the wrong person or someone overhears him saying it, we could run into the same problem you ran into twelve years ago. The wrong person thinking he is something he isn't. We're not aliens, he's not an alien, but there are still people out there who could believe he is."

"I thought you said there wasn't an issue with that anymore. You told me five years ago we didn't have to worry anymore!" My heart began to pound, my throat began to swell, the tears began to fall - this wasn't happening; not again.

He shook his head and closed the computer, "Let's go back to bed."

"You can't say all that and expect me to forget it." I said as my heart attempted to beat out of my chest.

"I don't, I'd just rather tell you behind two sets of doors instead of one."

I didn't sleep at all that night after that moment. In all honesty I wished we had a mini-bar after what Mulder told me. While in London, he uncovered information he shouldn't have. Information he was locked out from but, "stumbled upon' I questioned his stumbling. William's adoptive parents didn't just die in a car accident they were murdered. William was in the car. He wasn't hurt, not a scratch, and that's when he was 'tagged' the same way we had been tagging people since we returned to the bureau. William didn't know, he was only a child, but he was tagged like so many other children had been tagged. Mulder found a database full of them. From all over the world. When he returned from London he verified the information, and felt sickened. It's why he had been so moody, why he didn't want to touch me, it wasn't because of me; he was just too disgusted with everything. We were mice in a never ending experiment. Sure, the world wasn't taken over by aliens as we had feared, but every day we were still jumping through hoops for that hunk of cheese.

"Where is it?" I asked, my neck suddenly itching, "The tag?"

"Same place." Mulder said, "But now that they do it with a needle and not a scalpel, it doesn't leave much of a scar. Just looks like a freckle, probably why you didn't notice."

"Melissa?"

"No." Mulder said quickly, "She's the only one of us untouched by those bastards and I'd like to keep it that way. She will need vaccinations before we go, but you can give her those."

"Mulder..."

"You're the only one I trust our children with now." Mulder looked so defeated, "I'm terrified to even send her to school given the circumstances."

"She's safe there. They have security, and if she's been safe this long-"

"I just think it's best if we pull her out. She can stay with us all day. All she does in kindergarten is read, color, write - I'm sure we can handle that."

I nodded, "Fine." I really couldn't argue with a man who looked so broken, "Is this why you've been so stern to William?"

"No, it's not his fault. I was just upset over what I knew and his general attitude. Like I said, telling him most of the truth - the minimum he needs to know - did seem to help at least, so maybe he won't be such a problem anymore. I don't believe that we have to worry about black helicopters because they would have shown up by now, but with the tag, and his history I think its best we quash the alien thing now."

I nodded, "I understand. As it was I only told you because I thought it interesting, I didn't realize the implications."

"I know." he yawned looking at the window, "The sun is coming up."

"Of course it is." I yawned in return, "And now we're supposed to manage two kids and crowds on no sleep."

"I assume that's why Red Bull was invented."

I lived a life of no regrets. In my fifty years on this planet I'd lost my father, my sister, my reproductive freedom, seen things I couldn't explain or expect anyone else to believe and even though I had fleeting moments of screaming and doing all I could to run away from it all, I never quit. I never gave up. I was a fighter; I would remain a fighter, even if the defeating voices in my head were trying to make me think otherwise.

For four days we gave our children what all children should have; happiness. They had breakfast with Mickey and Minnie, posed for pictures with Donald and Goofy, and my five year old daughter got to be Cinderella for a day. Complete with ballgown, tiara and glass slippers. Money was no object on this trip, so much so when on the last night we told them we had to move away for a while they didn't even notice. It wasn't until we had gotten home the night of the ninth that William entered our bedroom and made the obvious point.

"I don't know French." He said, "What if people laugh at me?"

"You'll learn it." Mulder said as we sat in bed looking at the boy, "It's not as hard as you would think. There's an app for your phone, which you will get back tomorrow after school."

William nodded, "I guess I'm just scared."

"We all are." I added, "Now get to sleep."

William nodded and left the room. The women's magazine I was trying to show some interest in was leaving me flat. How to achieve the perfect orgasm was the last thing on my mind.

"Tell two kids they have to leave their friends and they don't even bat an eye." I said flipping pages of beautiful airbrushed models

"Kids are easily adaptable."

"William said he doesn't even have friends."

"Neither did I at his age. Not many."

"And look how you turned out." I smirked, "But seriously. In three weeks we're leaving everything and everyone we know."

"Are you saying you can't do it?"

"Of course not. As you recall twelve years ago I did that very thing. I guess I thought we were done running."

"We're not running from anything."

"It feels like we are."

"Please don't think about it that way. There's a lot I can handle, but you with regrets is one thing I cannot."

"No regrets." I said quickly before tossing the magazine in the nightstand drawer, "Not one."

"You're lying." He said softly, watching me, judging me, trying to read my mind.

"You're right." I placed my hand on his bare chest, "I regret not trusting my heart a lot sooner." I said as my hand slowly ran down his firm abdomen, "Now…lock the door."

With car pool cancelled for good, I didn't have to wake up at five am which gave me an extra hour of sleep which I traded in for quality time with the man I loved. Which lead to more quality time in the shower and the desire to call in sick, but unfortunately today my five year old daughter would be with us at all times. The school wasn't happy about the decision, they also weren't happy to learn we were moving to Europe. Melissa had many friends, this would be devastating, but the little cherub would probably adjust better and faster than the rest of us. It was in her nature. It riddled me sometimes that a child born to those who trusted no one, trusted everyone; which would be devastating in the wrong hands and also made me realize why Mulder was so protective now of his only daughter; his only untouched child. We helped her clean out her cubby, say goodbye to her friends and even though they cried, my baby girl did not. She hugged her best friend Annie and as Annie cried buckets of tears Melissa simply hugged her tighter and told her she loved her. Even the teacher, Ms. Darcy, seemed heartbroken watching us leave the classroom as Missy held each of our hands. She was a tough little girl; I only feared one day she'd break.

As I sat at my desk I paid more attention to the little girl sitting on her knees on the floor as she worked on her workbooks. Three weeks. Was that too long to be away from kids your own age?

"She's fine." The man to my right informed me, "Get back to your own work."

"She's always fine. The only time I ever saw her cry was when I turned off The Little Mermaid."

"Just keep Frozen out of the house." Mulder added, "Let her stick to loving the mermaid."

"She didn't even like it." I added given she had already seen it on a class trip, "Even at five she has discriminating taste."

"It's in the genes." Mulder smirked then his face fell, "Dammit."

I looked at my own screen based on his reaction and sure enough another Charlie. In Georgetown. Nothing killed our day more than finding one of us.

Mulder leaned back in his chair and tossed a pen at the screen, his own way of weaning himself off the pencils in the ceiling stress relief. "Three more weeks…" he mumbled before standing up and putting on his coat, "Get the kit."

When I decided I wanted to become a doctor it was based on the simple notion that I wanted to help people. To cure the ill, to ease the suffering of the dying, I never thought it would be spent injecting microchips into innocent people. It was days like today that my wine cork collection skyrocketed.

We never spoke on the drive. Both of us too angry with the situation we found ourselves in to have any kind of innocent conversation, but for this trip we had a five year old in the backseat singing a song she made up about the trees and the buildings we were passing on the road. It's almost as if she could sense our stress and was trying to diminish it, but sadly even my daughter's sweet voice couldn't stop the pain in my chest.

We arrived at the brownstone by two and after this would be going back to work to catalog this poor person, then straight home because the entire day was now shot to hell. I grabbed my bag; Mulder grabbed our child, hoping maybe she would make the job a little easier to bear.

Melissa sat on her father's hip quietly as I knocked on the door, and waited. The door opened and woman not much younger than myself with red hair stood before me. Her eyes widened at the sight of me and she slammed the door shut.

"Are we that intimidating?" Mulder asked securing the five year old on his hip.

I shrugged, "What's the protocol on door slamming?"

"I'm not sure…" he said, "Try again."

I did just that. After a moment the door opened again and this time a young girl - also with red hair – stood before me. She wasn't much shorter than me and looked at both of us before stepping back and opening the door more, "Please, come in." she said softly.

We walked into the dark home, curtains drawn, no TV, no computer, just a woman on the couch with her arms crossed rocking back and forth and boxes stacked floor to ceiling.

"My mom doesn't talk much." The young girl said, "But she said to let you in."

"What's wrong with her?" I asked watching the woman who kept her eyes on the floor.

"Depression. Bipolar. You name it. She's on lots of medication. She had to get a blood test the other day because they were afraid the medication wasn't working anymore. I haven't seen her this bad in a while."

There was no way I could inject something into this woman who was clearly too on the edge, "We'll come back another time." I said preparing to turn, but Mulder grabbed my arm.

"We can't." He said softly to me, "She knows why we're here."

"Mulder look at her! I doubt she even knows what planet she's on."

"Joy, go to your room." The woman said as she continued to rock, "Now."

The girl nodded and turned walking up a flight of stairs. Once there was the sound of a closing door the shaking stopped and the woman on the couch looked directly at me, "I know why you're here, Dana."

"How do you know my name…" I asked a bit terrified

She stood up and approached me, her arms still crossed, "You got my husband killed, or don't you remember."

I honestly didn't, all I could do was shake my head, "No…I'm sorry."

She chuckled a bit and looked at the ceiling, "Look, I know what I am. I know what was done to me. Every anti depressant in the world can't change that. I know you have a needle in your bag and you're going to inject a microchip into my neck, but you don't have to. I already have one." She said turning around and pulling up her hair to reveal a scar on the back of her neck I had seen many times.

I looked to Mulder who looked just as shocked as I was, "Then…"

"Why did you come here?" She said turning back to us, "Because I had my blood tested. Again. Just to see if I set off any kind of 'alert' I was already suspicious when I was told my company wanted me to move to France."

"What…" Was all that came out of my mouth, France. Why was she going to France? I turned to my husband, "What's going on here?"

Mulder shook his head, "I honestly don't know."

"Sure you don't." She said to Mulder before turning to me, "I thought you were smarter than this Dana. To let them make you believe they're sending you there for any other reason."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I said to this woman rambling off nonsensere54

"They're done with us. It's simple. They're sending us there to kill us. All of us. Even you."


End file.
